gsh | my warning labels

My Lovely Wife sugguested the following are good warning labels for me:

* On a blanket from Taiwan: Not to be used as protection from a tornado.
* Warning on fireplace log: Caution -- Risk of Fire.
* A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists: Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.
* Warning on an electric router made for carpenters: This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
* On a bottle of shampoo for dogs: Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.
* On a hair dryer: Do not use in shower.
* On Marks & Spencer bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
* On a string of Chinese made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
* On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: Contains nuts.
* On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions - open packet, eat nuts.
* On some frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: defrost.
* On a hotel provided shower cap: Fits one head.
* On Nytol Nighttime Sleep-Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.
* Warning on a cartridge for a laser printer: Do not eat toner.
* A wheel 13" a wheelbarrow warns: Not for highway use.
* Can of self-defense pepper spray warns: May irritate eyes.
* Warning on a Conair Pro Style 1600 hair dryer: Never use while sleeping.
* Silly Putty package warning: Not for use as earplugs.
* On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
* Baby stroller warning: Remove child before folding.
* Household iron warns: Never iron clothes while they are being worn.
* A fireplace lighter cautions: Do not use near fire, flame or sparks.
* A handheld massager warns consumers: Don't use while sleeping or unconscious.
* Warning on underarm deodorant: Do not spray in eyes.
* Cardboard car sun shield that keeps sun off the dashboards warns: Do not drive with sun shield in place.
* Warning on a sharpening stone: Knives are sharp.
* Bottle water label warns: Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth.
* On a box or rat poison: Warning: Has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.
* On a Domino's Pizza box: Caution: Contents hot!
* Toilet bowl cleaning brush warns: Do not use orally.
* An electric cattle prods warns: For use on animals only
* A can of air freshener warns: Keep out of reach of children and teenagers
* Cheap rubber ball toy warning: Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball.
* Caution on a package of dice: Not for human consumption.
* In the manual of a chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand.
* Stamped on the barrel of a .22 caliber rifle: Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.
* Instructions for an electric thermometer: Do not use orally after using rectally.
* On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack: Remove plastic before eating.
* A TV remote controller warns: Not dishwasher safe.